I pretend like I care about things because otherwise people look at me like I am a psycho but I never really care about anyone or anything. The only way I know how to feel things is with sex for a minute and alcohol but that’s not really real. Most guys hook up with girls for sex but I hook up because it is too painful to go home alone. I want love but it has not happened yet in 26 years and 13 years of sexual activity. When I drift into an actual relationship I always end up hurting the other person because eventually they realize that I just don’t care very much. I attract girls easily but I never feel satisfied. The only real emotion I have is that I hate myself for being like this. If any girl knew how many sexual partners I have had they would not come near me because it is in the thousands.
Your behavior is more common than you might think. Sex addiction is driven by a desire to connect but an inability to know how to do so beyond just the physical. The number of partners reflects the desire you have to try to connect. Based on your question, it sounds as if you are ready to try something new. Hooking up is not satisfying you and now is a good time to get some counseling to work through your fear of intimacy. This is a learned skill and you can change this and have satisfying emotionally connected relationships. You are not the only one who has gone through this but you need to get help from a therapist experienced treating sex addiction.