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Boyfriend porn watcher

answered 12:46 PM EST, Mon December 02, 2013
anonymous anonymous
My boyfriend is an obsessive porno watcher. I do not ever go on his computer without warning so he time to clean up any videos and websites he has up and running…I learned this the hard way. It is a problem for me and I find it very disgusting. I talked about leaving him because I had had enough it and I feel like how can he respect me and watch that all night and this is when he confessed that he was abused as a child and this is why he has a problem and he asked me to understand and help him change. Is getting sexually molested as a child of 7 to 9 going to have an influence on a man becoming addicted to porno websites when he is an adult? He says he wants to move in together so he won’t be as tempted to watch this stuff as he is when he is alone. I love him and I want to help him.

Dr. Jennifer Martin Says...

Dr. Jennifer Martin J. Martin
Certified Sex Addiction Therapist-c., Certified Professional Counselor
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I understand your feelings of disgust and also your love for your boyfriend.  His addiction to porn is not necessarily as a result of being abused as a child. Many people have had that experience as a child and do not end up watching porn.  He is right he does need help but it is unfair and not realistic to think that you can be his sole source of help.  If your boyfriend really wants to stop watching porn but cannot despite repeated attempts then he is definitely addicted.  Addictions are serious and without treatment they unfortunately do in most cases get worse and more difficult to control. I recommend telling him that the condition of you moving in is that he gets professional help - from a counselor trained to treat sexual addiction.  My first recommendation would actually to tell him that you would only move in after he has been in treatment for 90 days and had experienced a 90 day abstinent  period.  If you move in and he keeps doing what he is doing, it will very likely get more consuming not less. This is not about him getting more sex from you and not needing to look at porn. It is actually not about sex. You cannot solve this for him.  You don't have to give up on the relationship but he does need help.  You will find out how motivated he is to change if you give him an ultimatum about him getting help. If you want to set up a time to talk I offer a no cost consultation. You can reach me at jennifer at relate2 dot net.

         
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Page last updated Dec 02, 2013

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