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Fine Line Between Supporting & Enabling

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answered 08:01 AM EST, Wed June 19, 2013
Knight Knight Franktown
How much financial help should I provide to my two Sons, 25 and 28 years old who are clean from drugs for the first time in 10 years? Right now I am paying for their apartments , cell phones, groceries . They have been clean for about 6 months. They are unemployed although they say they are job hunting.

Jim LaPierre Says...

I commend you on doing so much to support your sons in their sobriety. I wonder how much faith you have in their reported attempts to find work? I would not set a dollar or time line for you but I would encourage you to have an open discussion with them individually regarding your expectations and theirs. Make it clear that you expect them to become self sustaining and help them identify obstacles to gaining employment and managing their lives. It's the adage of give a man a fish versus teaching them to fish. If you're willing to be supportive in more ways then financially, together you can make transitional plans for their lives as sober, autonomous adults. Good luck!

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