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Of All that You Can Choose, Choose You

answered 11:28 AM EST, Tue September 17, 2013
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Hello. My husband is engaging in acting out behaviors, going out, drinking, getting drunk, not listening, wanting to do whatever he wants, irritable, grumpy, drinking at home at the point of passing out, and then getting sick the next day. He missed work this week 2 days because he got so ill. We are currently having a long distance relationship trying to save money so we can relocate and move together, but this is truly not helping us get there and if it's not one thing is another. What do I do? I fought with him and told him we should divorce but that is obviously not what I want...what can i do when he does not accept that he has a problem, and won't seek help or let anyone help. This is destroying our family and destroying me! :(

Jim LaPierre Says...

Hello and thank you for your question. I am assuming that what you're describing is not something that happened only over a very short period of time but rather has become an increasingly problematic state of affairs. Your husband is clearly experiencing problems that result directly from his drinking and yet he seems to show no intention of stopping.

You asked him to consider divorce as an attempt to get his attention/scare him into taking this more seriously. This isn't what you want and yet the desperation behind your words shows how very much you're hurting and struggling to accept your powerlessness over his choices. Please consider what your resolve is - if he is not willing to stop, what are you willing to do to protect yourself and your interests? I'm wishing there was something I could tell you that would change your husband but there simply isn't. Instead I say - of all that you could choose - choose you. Choose to invest in what you can do and not what you cannot. His behavior strongly suggests that he is an alcoholic and until he chooses to get help then you are simply along for the ride and that s a heartbreaking place to be. Please be good to you and please listen to your intuition.

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Page last updated Sep 17, 2013

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