Son on drugs, no job, feels hopeless
Ari Hahn Says...
Your story is certainly one of the saddest stories I have heard in a very long time. I wish I could give you a way to turn things around for yourself and your son. The amount of tragedies you and your son have suffered is truly overwhelming. While I cannot tell you exactly what to do, I will try to give you some ways of thinking about your story and your future.
The first question is who do you want to help first, him or you? I understand from your letter that you are primarily concerned about his future. That being said, it is very difficult, or usually impossible, for one person to get another to quit drugs and addictions. Your job, as a mother, is none-the-less, very important. Here are the ideas you need to keep in mind.
- you will always support him when he is going in the right direction. (Admitting drug addiction, willingness for treatment, etc.)
- you need to be very careful not to become a co-dependent (support his addictive behaviors even unintentionally)
- you are willing to work to find the resources that he can use to help himself
- you might be able to help him see some areas that can become a positive goal in the future
Number one, is not really too hard. You need to be consistent in telling him that you love and support him. Number two is very difficult. I would suggest that you find some support group that will help you identify when your behaviors are co-dependent behaviors. For number three you might need the asistance of a social worker or other local substance abuse professional. And for number four, you need to regularly find positive ideas and goal (such as starting a new family, learning other types of physical activities that can be like sports, getting to a place where he can help other overcome major challenges, or something). That needs a great deal of personal discussions and will most likely encounter many setbacks before you see any progress. The whole process is one that can be difficult. You will need support to keep optimistic during the many ups and downs that can occur.
Page last updated Oct 30, 2011