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Painful Limits: What We Can and Cannot Do For Others

answered 04:49 PM EST, Sat October 13, 2012
pawan pawan kanpur
(1.) I am very scared to tell my parents what i am going through . I don't know whether they would believe me or not . They would probably think that it is an excuse to run away from studies and to hide my weaknesses . They have very high expectations from me.

(2.) Also my mood changes from time to time. sometimes i feel sad and sometimes i don't and sometimes i feel casual and carefree. example like past 2 weeks my exams were going on and i felt very casual and carefree. I did not studied a word to prepare because i was not able to concentrate on the books. I know my sadness will come again when I will get to know my marks and there are hardly any chances of getting passed in any subject.

(3.) I have lost interest in school and coaching. I just wan't to get locked in my room and do nothing. AM I NORMAL? ARE THESE PROBLEMS FACED BY EVERYONE IN THEIR LIVES OR AM I TOO MUCH EXAGGERATING ? Also suicidal thoughts don't come on a regular basis.

Dr. Richard Schultz Says...

Hello again, my young friend. 

I am very encouraged to hear that you have continued to persevere through the struggles of your life, although I am of course also very sorry to hear that you are still in distress.  In respons to what you have written, I will share a few reactions. 

First, I very much understand how fearful you are of telling your parents about what you are experiencing.  I am also glad that you are acknowledging that you DON'T know how they will react.  This is precisely the reason to tell them; so that you can find out.  Experience is a far better teacher than imagination, and you have been living in fear of the unknown for quite some time.  I know it has only distressed you further to avoid confronting your struggles directly by seeking help.  Over time, I can only predict that your problems will build further, and you will feel even less able to face them.  This is the way anxiety and avoidance work.   

So, Pawan, I must tell you today that I CANNOT provide you with the psychological assistance you need at this time, as I am sure you well know.  I have attempted to guide you in the direction of resources and treatment services that seem badly needed, and you have elected not to utilize these suggestions.  As I said in an earlier reply to you, it is not what happens to us in life that determines our path, but how we RESPOND to what happens to us.  The most constructive response to your situation has been and still is to seek assistance from your parents, another trustworthy adult family member, a teacher, a counseling clinic, your family physician, or a member of clergy.  In the absence of your following up on one of these recommendations, your symptoms and situation, which began quite normally and understandibly, will become more pronounced and difficult to cope with.  So, again, I urge you to seek assistance today.

Pawan, as you know, Choose Help has been developed for informational purposes only, and is not intended to serve as a substitute for mental health counseling in any way.  You agreed to these terms when you signed the User Community Rules during registration.  Further, I cannot ethically or legally attempt to provide you with psychological treatment remotely through this forum.  What I can do, I have done, and the rest is now up to you.  Please begin planning to discuss your difficulties with your parents as soon as possible, or share them with someone else who can help.

I am sorry that I have reached the limits of my ability to assist you, Pawan.  I wish you much peace and courage as you face what you fear, and as you grow into a true spiritual warrior.  This does not typically happen until it MUST happen, and it sounds like your moment has arrived.  Good luck.


Richard E. Schultz, Ph.D.

BTW, I removed the email address of your relative from your note to me, in the interest of maintaining your privacy and hers.  I trust you understand that it is you, Pawan, who will have to explain the situation to her, not me.  Do feel free, however, to share with her our correspondence and I am sure she will know how to assist you.


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Page last updated Oct 13, 2012

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