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You are Fine! But Social Skills Training can help!

answered 06:41 PM EST, Fri September 28, 2012
anonymous anonymous
I have no charisma. When I start to talk to people at parties or whatever I can see them get bored by what I am saying within seconds. I am not very confident and this does not help my self esteem. It’s not very nice to think of yourself as a boring person but I guess some people must be and I think I must be one of them. Is there any remedy for my malady?

E W Says...

"Boring" is in the eye of the beholder - your stories may be "boring" to some folks, but absolutely the stuff of Life to someone else!  Consider your own attraction to other people's conversations - do some seem less personally interesting to you and others more interesting? Often when you find what others are talking about interesting, then they are more inclined to feel the same when you join in! Perhaps you may want to look into "parties" with different people than the ones that seem to be uninterested in you. Also, there are many ways to be social these days - you may have more feelings of success if your groups align with your personal interests and values.

That said, every person is different and possesses different strengths and weaknesses. It is possible that your self-esteem might benefit from some social skills training or coaching.  Learning more and practicing social skills will help you feel confident and have an array of strategies to start, join, and gracefully exit conversations. Although there are tons of self-help books on the market, some are great and some are worthless. I suggest you find a therapist near you and see what plans you can create together to enhance your social skills, find groups for you to join, and see if there are any items in your own thinking that may benefit from cognitive alternatives. Keep in mind as well that there are different types of charisma - perhaps the way you are seeking to connect with people is not part of your character/nature, and another method will flow with your own person better. A therapist can help you consider alternatives and get more out of life that you seek!

Don't give up, don't get down - seek help and you can be on a better path towards the life you want to live! Best wishes to you! 

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Page last updated Sep 28, 2012

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