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Couple work

answered 02:11 AM EST, Fri September 23, 2011
I feel that my husband and I are no longer as connected as we once were and I am less satisfied with some aspects of our married life than I would like to be. I have been trying to get my husband to agree to some marriage counseling but he says that we can get through this rough patch on our own with prayer and by making more effort for special ‘date nights’ and by putting more tie into our relationship. I do not think this will be enough since we are very stuck in our negative ways.

I do not underestimate the power of prayer but I also know that we must actively seek out the answers sometimes. How can I convince my husband that prayer alone is not enough in this situation?

Penny Bell Says...

Penny Bell P. Bell
Master of Counselling, Grad Dip Counselling, Adv. Dip. Counselling & Family Therapy, MACA
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I don't know how long you have been married, or what your particular issues are, so I can only comment on your desire to convince your husband to enter couple counselling with you.

 

All the things that your husband has suggested are great ideas for enhancing a relationship that has gone stale, and actually are necessary for keeping a relationship afloat.  However, if you have truly come to a stalemate, and both feel stuck, counselling could be at least part of the answer for your marriage problems.

 

I assume you have already spoken to your husband about the idea of counselling, and he has dismissed it.  This is a difficulty you share with many women who understand the value of counselling but find that their husbands are less than enthusiastic.  Perhaps this is because women tend to communicate their emotions more ably than men do.  Often a wife or female partner will finally talk her husband into at least trying one counselling session, and he will go, albeit unwillingly, sometimes just to prove his point that it's a waste of time and money.  When he sees that he is not going to be labelled the "bad guy" by the counsellor, and that there is a safe place for him to have a voice about how he really feels in the relationship, and what he'd really like to see change, he becomes  eager to return for another session.

 

Suggesting that your husband try one session just to see how it goes may be one way forward for you.  If he is still uninterested, there is no harm in seeking counselling for yourself; this may help you to navigate your relationship with your husband better.

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Page last updated Sep 23, 2011

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