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Sex in Sobriety

answered 09:33 PM EST, Mon February 06, 2012
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My wife of 10 years was a very heavy drinker who eventually decided to get some help for her drinking about 6 months ago after it became clear that she was flirting with alcoholism if she maybe hadn’t already passed that line.

I had been encouraging her to get some help and I am really proud of the way she has managed to stay sober since then with only a couple of small slips and that she is still really keeping things up by going to a lot of AA meetings.

She is a lot less moody than she was when she was drinking (then you never really knew what you were going to get). She has lost 20 pounds and she really looks 10 years younger.

The problem is our sex life has really been affected by this change in her lifestyle. Before, she would have a few glasses of wine and get in the mood and we’d have sex and I’d go to bed and she’d head downstairs again and finish off a half dozen more glasses of wine as she watched movies and or looked on the internet. Now we go and stay in bed together but she is never in the mood and we have only had sex a few times since she quit.

She says she’s not sure why she feels so differently now and she has asked me to just be patient. I am of course ready to do everything I can to support her in this but I would like to know if this is a common side effect of sobriety and if it is something that is likely going to pass in time?

Melissa Borlie Says...

Melissa Borlie M. Borlie
MHR, LPC

Congratulations to you and your wife on her sobriety!

All people are different and so are their sex drives, but this is a common complaint in early sobriety. If the situation has not resolved within the first year and your wife is still unclear as to her feelings, I would seek help from a therapist.

Good luck to you both!

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Page last updated Feb 07, 2012

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