I am a binge drinker and alcoholic. I am unique because I do not have trouble maintaining sobriety for long stretches of time but then sometimes out of the blue I get whammed with feelings that I cannot resist and this leads to me drinking that might last for a few days or it might last for a few weeks or even months and then I dry out and I can stay dry for months or even years. I have been repeating this pattern for 30 years. I have been to rehab, AA, hospitalized 3 times, medical detox…the works. I am so tired of this. My life feels so hopeless and if I ever think about trying to do something bigger I realize that I will just screw it up for sure when I have my next binge so there is no point in even trying so I just keep working my deadend job and living by myself in a cheap room I rent.
You sound very knowledgeable about the options to achieve sobriety and stated frustration about staying clean and getting your life to where you want it to be. Without knowing anything about you, it is difficult to address why, after so many attempts at recovery (rehab, AA, detox), you repeatedly pick up. I wonder how strong and dependable your support system is and whether you have people available around you to use to prevent you from drinking and support talking through your feelings and pain. You've mentioned AA and rehab - I would recommend you see a psychotherapist who can help you work through the feelings that trigger you to start drinking again. Working through your emotional issues will help you with the knowledge and tools to accomplish ongoing sobriety and having the life you want.
anonymous
