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My husband has been using narcotics and lying about it. How worried should I be?

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answered 08:31 PM EST, Tue May 01, 2012
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anonymous anonymous
My husband had a wild youth and I knew that he used to do a lot of drugs and drink and smoke cigarettes. Since I have met him he has done none of those things, other than have the occasional beer. About a month ago I found some hydromorphine pills in buried in his home office drawer in a place I don’t normally ever look.

He told me his friend had come over to watch hockey and they had taken one and that his friend had left them and he hadn’t had one since. I was surprised but I accepted this as not a big deal. This morning I went into his jeans pocket while he was in the shower to get the keys for his truck and I found some more pills. When I asked him about it he told me it was no big deal and that he just takes one now and again after a hard day.

Now I don’t know what to believe. He seems normal, not like high all the time or anything but the fact that he has been hiding this from me makes me scared. How worried should I be about this? If he was addicted to these pills would it be obvious or would he be able to hide it?

William Anderson Says...

You don't know what to believe? He's been using serious narcotics "recreationally" and lying to you about it, right? You don't need to wonder about what to believe. The truth is clear. Don't let your wish that it is not true lead you into your own crisis with denial.

Your husband is abusing highly addictive drugs, is probably addicted, and your marriage is in trouble. Trust is the foundation of a healthy relationship, and that is gone.

Get into counseling, with him if he will go, and without him if he won't. Find out about Alanon meetings, the support and self-help meetings for people who have loved ones with drug or alcohol problems. Find out where some meetings are and go. If you can get a friend to go with you, that may be the best way to start.

You have some big problems and wishing you didn't will only make it worse. They are solvable, but you need to be honest with yourself about what is happening and get to work on facing them in a way where you have the best chance of a happy outcome.

Take the actions I am suggesting and write back when you've done that, if you need more guidance.

Best wishes.



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